Is your comparison mindset getting in the way of your dreams?
IS YOUR COMPARISON MINDSET GETTING IN THE WAY OF YOUR DREAMS?
Photo: @estrellaproductions www.estrellaproductions.com
Comparison has been punching me in the gut this past week. You? Comparison is a soul sucking, energy depleting, backward thinking kind of game we play. Yes, I said play. We participate in it, willingly. It's not who you are comparing yourself to's fault. They're just living thier life.
How do we willingly participate? It starts NOT with seeing their amazing content on social media, but with our THOUGHTS about what we see. Notice how some posts don't effect you and others do? It's because you think differently about them.
Brené Brown in her new book, “Atlas of the Heart” says:
“Our emotional reaction is more tied to our cognitive assessment of whether we can cope with the situation than how our body is reacting…my emotions are responding to my ‘thinking’ assessment of how well I can handle something."
I often worry about if what I'm doing is “enough”, that what I am offer you, my clients, is good enough compared to all the choices you have. Some days, it's downright debilitating to think about.
But what we need to remember when we engage in comparison is this: No one is making us do this except us and we always have a choice to think otherwise. Part of choice is knowledge + awareness. If you don't know any better, how can you identify the problem? Right?
As defined by Brené Brown (again, sorry not sorry) here are a few definitions that really helped me understand my thinking and my following actions.
“Worry and anxiety go together, but worry is not an emotion; it's the thinking part of anxiety."
WORRY: a chain of negative thoughts about bad things that might happen in the future.
AVOIDANCE: the second coping strategy for anxiety, is not showing up and often spending a lot of energy zigzagging around and away from that thing already feels like it's consuming us."
These definitions have so much power to change our day to day because we learn that our thinking can really make or break our day. Is changing your thinking easy? It can to be. As I mentioned at the beginning, my mind has been focused on how I'm not measuring up, how my ideas, contribution and “trying” isn't good enough.
It has made me sick to my stomach, depressed, short with my family and unable to focus on my dreams + goals. It's truly soul sucking and dream crushing work. Let's all quit that 24/7 job and seek a better way.
Here's HOW I’M navigating my comparison mindset:
Read books that reminded me of what I truly want
Looked for evidence that I am, in fact doing a good job (Looked at my numbers, the actions I am taking, looking from within, and not outside validation.)
Repeated in my mind, “This is me. This is how I am choosing to show up.”
Did the things on my to-do list even when I didn't feel like they were going to accomplish anything (this email is one of those things)
To close, yes, I'm going to quote Brené Brown again! Her book is amazing and you should read it too. (Click the pic for a link)
“It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable, so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions.
Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short term, but it will never make you less afraid.”
Friends, we deserve so much more than the crippling effects of comparison. We deserve to feel proud of ourselves for the effort and ability we currently possess. We truly can create calm and confidence within us, even when faced with someone who is doing more than we are. I hope this was helpful.
Janea
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